to infinity and beyond

Tuesday, December 19, 2006' 12/19/2006 01:00:00 AM

Lets summarise everything ya?

-KL trip? I wont swear but i will certainly, remind myself, NEVER EVER to go there again if my family goes on our own without a convoy or other families going. 24/7 arguement over which way to go, 24/7 lost. Ok maybe not really 24/7. Most of the time.
-Sunway Lagoon was fun, not as thrilling as it was back then when I was young. Every ride now looks way smaller and feels less exciting. Oh well, at least the slides at the water theme park got me my adrenalin rush.
-Currently still broke without a job. Missing school very very badly.
-Thinking about the future and what its going to be like with a new environment in a new school with new people. I seriously fear the future.

Its currently raining. A downpour to be exact. Some of the areas around my block are flooded with water as high as my ankle. I'm having that time of the year again. No, not that that time of the year. Its that time of the year when I suddenly feel so down and lonely. I got to admit, as much as I love holidays, the one that i'm having right now is really wearing me down. I feel like a useless person now that I sit at home all day long, pigging out with insufficient self owned money to go out shopping. I cant help but suffer at home and so I have decided to go out tomorrow and Wednesday with various people, namely Humairah and Hanis followed by Ain on Wednesday. I will indeed have to spend lots and lots of money since I will be treating my beloved cousins as their very belated birthday presents and the day after tomorrow, I will have to fork out money for the MNG sale. Unless of course if it's fated that i dont find anything I like, i wont be spending at all. Lets hope that happens.

I suddenly feel that my social life is non existent. Lets see, I have close good friends, cousins, and hrm, fullstop? Thats it? I fear the fact that I will have to make new friends in time to come. I hate it that life is so full of uncertainties. I really loathe having to make choices in life that could determine my life itself. Dont mind me, I'm just going through that phase in my life where nothing seems to make me happy anymore. No no, I'm not talking about academic achievements this time round. I'm just pouring my feelings out, the feelings that I have been keeping for these past few days, all to myself. I need to let it out lest it will only worsen, causing me to be more depressed.

I have issues, I seriously do. I'm loving single life, yet at times, I feel very lonely, especially when those close to me are busy living their own lives. No I'm not saying that I want a boyfriend, all I'm trying to say is that I'm feeling rather confused. Yes I feel happy going out with those I know, and of course I have fun watching interesting or hilarious movies on TV but somehow, I dont feel contented with what I have going on in my life right now. Not to say that I actually have a life sitting at home pigging out all day thinking "Oh, lets see whats on TV today". Maybe its just for the time being that I feel this way. But the void in me seems to be getting bigger each day. I would measure it if I could. This is beginning to sound rather melodramatic so leave if u want to. Dont say I didnt warn you.

I was alone in my house today and I decided to just switch everything off and sit peacefully watching the rain drops on my window when I started to think, am I going to be able to make new friends? Will people want to befriend me? What if I turn out to be dislikable due to my unsociable nature? Suddenly it hit me that the wideness of my circle of friends is really measurable if you were to ask them to stand in a circle. You could use a measuring tape to determine how wide the circle is and there will still be excess left of the measuring tape. Am I really that unsociable? But is it wrong to be shy? Back to my low self esteem issues again. Oh God. I need help. A hotline like dile 1800-GET-A-LIFE or a psychologist who sits beside me pretending to listen to my troubles when he or she is in fact not interested. Wait, I have my mom for that. I need something. Something is missing and I dont know what it is!

The one thing I need right now and right now only,

is my prata to fill me up at this late hour.Maybe prata will fill the void in me.Literally, that would mean my empty stomach. Thats it for the day mates. I'm off to toast an instant prata in the oven at 2am in the morning.
Till next time, do take care and if you're single like me,
please dont make ben and jerry the men of your life ladies.
Else you'll look like bridget jones. I love that movie btw. =}