to infinity and beyond

Thursday, February 01, 2007' 2/01/2007 10:07:00 PM

Hello there, yes I'm back again.
I feel fat beyond words.
No, I'm not hallucinating and no, I don't have BDD (Body Dysmorphic Disorder). I swear my pigging out days need to end soon. I have had enough of literally rotting at home for the past 3 months.

Some may want to kill me after reading this, considering how skinny I actually look. The thing is, I'm unhappy because all that I eat contributes to the wrong parts of me. I seem to have lost 2kg BUT my face has put on such visible weight. Like I have 2 bloody kueh paos (cha sew pao? wadeva) stuffed in my mouth, one on each side of the mouth.
I keep praying hard that whatever I consume will put weight on the more needy areas of my body, like my boobs or my ass perhaps? But no, the fats constantly accumulate in the most undesirable areas like my cheeks, making me look chubby, hence more unattractive than I already am. Sigh.

Apart from that, my unhealthy diet has been causing some facial problems, like dry skin and bad blemishes? Hopefully this is only a phase that I have to go through during my adolescent years. It better end as soon as I reach 18 or 19. I am in need of a healthy diet, I really am.

My sister scolds me sometimes for not being thankful. Somehow, no matter how hard I try to count my blessings, I feel like I'm never satisfied. I constantly tell myself that at least, I'm not disabled or imporverished or whatsoever but there's always something holding me back, preventing me from fully appreaciating what I have. I think I may be suffering from a work-withdrawal syndrome. Work meaning something to keep me busy. This is what happens when one isn't occupied enough. I tend to get bored and start scrutinizing things, including myself. This is bad, really bad. I might just turn mental. Very unappealing.

Aside from my whines and woes, I recently found this other video of Passion on youtube. I think I'm in love with him. Although not good looking, he seems to have charmed me with his awesome-ness. Very musically inclined and sings well too. Hot.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0mF-jyn9kFs

So that's it mates. I'm really nervous about O-level result day! Hoping for the best, praying for the best. A tad too late to pray huh? Oh well, looks like my do-nothing days are going to be over soon.

My nose is healing well, I think. During the appointment on Tues, the doctor manually pulled out some blood clots and showed them to me. Very black and gross. Looked a little like mini wrinkled prunes. Lol. Other than that, the doctor said that everything seemed ok and that I'll recover fully after some 2 or 3 weeks later.

TO MY MOM, an early HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!
Her birthday has a nice combination, 2nd of Feb, 2/2.
NITE!