to infinity and beyond

Thursday, March 13, 2008' 3/13/2008 03:34:00 PM

I'm back on the net. Currently using the family's laptop. I miss having my personal computer!!! I WANT IT BACK! My dad refuses to help me repair the internet connection for MY computer. Boo.

Been feeling quite emo these few days. The weather's been very gloomy, i kind of miss the sun. BUT shall enjoy the cool winter-like days while they last. If only Singapore had winter. The closest thing we have to snow, is sand. Uber pathetic. Well at least we can make Sand-Angels. WAHAHA.

Can't believe how fast the holidays passed. Its already Thursday and i haven't started on any assignments. Art's burdening me. As much as i despise it, i cant help but indulge myself in it, it being procrastination. The root of ALL evil. Seriously.

Visited my not so well granpa. Sometimes i wonder what he feels and thinks about the family. I dont think he desires pity but i somehow cant help but sympathize with the state that he's in. Can't imagine spending my old age alone and almost immobile due to asthma and what not. I know it's inappropriate to say this, but honestly, at times i do pray that God takes his life a.s.a.p to finally give him peace and rest, reward him for all that he's been through. I mean, my late granma died when my father and his siblings were still very young, so you can imagine what it must have been like raising 5 or 6 children on his own. God knows he raised them well. I guess the only reason he's still alive at this age (90+ maybe?, he doesnt know his birthday) must be because God loves him too much therefore he's given longer time to do more ibadah(erm good deeds/prayers). I just pray he goes to heaven.

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I feel there's a need to reflect upon myself and what I've done to deserve such people and such things in my life right now. Is it karma? It seems rather unfair. What I have been raised to fear has finally taken its toll on me. Everyday seems like another step in the wrong direction. Perhaps my heart has for too long turned too cold. I need to mend my ways, and return to the right path. I need to do some voluntary work and charity. I need to start praying again so i wont contemplate putting my life in my own hands, ever again.

I need my sister back. Blood is definitely thicker than water.
Kakak, if you're reading this, come home soon please. I need someone to talk to, someone who understands me better than myself. I'm desperate.