I realise I sounded quite mean on my previous long post.
It was on impulse, and I wasn't really thinking straight.

Those people work hard for what they want, I give them credit for that.
Come to think of it, I made some rather immatured remarks that are not reflective of who I am and the beliefs that I've stood strong for, for most part of my life.
I am where I am now due to the desire that I had, and still do have, to succeed. Had it not been for that desire to drive me and motivate me to achieve more, my struggle would've already started by now.

I wouldn't be laying claims that I'm comfortable with my life right now, 'cos it definitely would not have turned out so had it not been for my efforts to study hard and stay in school, to chase after what everyone else is chasing after, and to put off the struggle to a later time in life.

Some people at my age, are already going through tougher times than I am right now, for having the mindset that I had portrayed in my previous post, during the early stages of their lives. They then live to regret it. But life goes on, and the struggle continues, but at least the struggle shows effort to improve their state of being as oppose to remaining stagnant.

That said, the way I feel about overachievers remain unaltered. I still do get intimidated by them. I respect their guts and the courage they have in facing failures, and the way they pick themselves up despite those failed attempts. But sometimes I think they try too hard to do too much, all by themselves, failing to share their motivation with those around them.

I think that in the process of trying to achieve your ambition, you should never forget to take with you the people you know. Don't take them down. You just know that you'll never succeed doing it alone. Egos aside, you know you're going to need them one day be it sooner or later. Should I succeed in life, I want to make sure that the people I love, do so as well. There is more joy in savouring the fruits in their company, than celebrating it alone or with strangers who come and go.


Ps: I still find it hard to be amused sometimes. But is it okay to wear a smile even if you don't mean it? Just for the sake of pleasing others, because you feel way more at ease when you know others are happy in comparison to the discomfort you feel if they feel otherwise. What if deep down, I'm a real hard to please? Would it be real hard for me to find the right group of strangers whom I feel most entertained by, or most at ease with? Cos it seems to me, that most people are rather easy to please. It seems to me that they find no difficulty in laughing at jokes that I perceive to be less than funny. Or have they all mastered the art of acting? Sometimes I fear I've gone numb. To the point that any news I receive, be it exciting or not, doesn't linger for long in my consciousness. That I can stone for hours if it weren't for my logical thinking telling me to respond by 'acting' interested when I really am not, lest people would find the wall more enjoyable to converse with. But the problem is that I want so badly to feel sincerely interested. Yet I can't. I'm slowly turning into a wall deep down.