And the toughest challenge i'm coping with right now is not the work load that i have, but the daunting thought of not being able to reap satisfaction out of all these at the end of the day. I am really, really not contented with what i'm doing right now. And in the midst of pursuing most of the work that i've already started to embark on, i'm feeling uninspired to continue just because they don't wow me enough. Pathetic much? I'm beginning to question my own capabilities, feeling like i'm all out of potential for this business. The biggest burden on my mind right now is not knowing if this is the direction i should be going and how aimless i am at this point in time judging by how unrealistic my goals are. To have an unrealistic goal is similar to not having one at all, and by unrealistic, i really mean harboring thoughts of going to elite Art schools in Europe or the US that offer masters in the field that i've always been interested in despite how it intimidates me.
It is only the preview, and i'm already beginning to dread the path i'm taking. I have my heart settled on something i should have done years ago, but there is no point in regret. So right now, at this very moment, i am actually contemplating doing it before regret sufaces many years down the road. And by then, i just know it'll be too late.

Honestly, I thrive on compliments. Unfortunately, it's been some time since I was last praised for my work. Even i am not impressed. Yeah it's come to that tragic point. Perhaps that's all i need and long for right now, some kudos or a pat on my back.

There are two routes in life to take, both with different sets of challenges. The first assumes life and work as separate events, offering a quotidian life that requires overcoming physical exhaustion from work and lack of mental stimulation from facing the same mundane routine everyday, for example a "9 to 5" job that ends once you step out of office boundaries, after which one is free to handle other problems that life has to offer. The other route presents work as life itself, offering new challenges to solve everyday (and night), both during and beyond office hours. In this, I foresee the need to overcome mental and correlated physical exhaustion. One has to handle not only mental exhaustion from having to continuously research and present to clients impressive proposals, but also overcome the challenge of being physically drained due to the lack of sleep from having to constantly think of fresh ideas that will exceed expectations. Exactly what i'm facing right now. I don't know if i can handle the latter for the rest of my life. Seriously, it is very draining. But to concede defeat now would mean that i really am, for the lack of a better word, a loser. Haha. I'm not willing to settle for mediocrity and really, it's a 'do it to the very best or don't do it at all' for me. So for once in my life, I am really going to say it, FML for being a perfectionist.