if there is one thing i wish i didn't have,
it's my videographic memory
i remember too much,
my life replays like a movie in my head,
down to the details like the colour of your shoes,
the sequence of events that occured, the weather,
the face of the shopkeeper, the colour of the cake,
the conversations we had, the food we ate,
what bag you brought, the look you sported,
the crowd that surrounded us,
bla bla bla

and i hate it
because i realise, more so than anyone else who knows of the filmroll in my head,
how different things are, and how good some of those memories were,
and then i get all emotional because i start to reminisce on the life i had and the people i knew,
and it is overwhelming sometimes, to be able to recall the more painful memories
down to the tone of someone's cry or someone's voice

i can still remember very clearly, and sense their distraught now,
the two persons in my life who made those calls to me on those two particular days
and i can still recall and feel now, how saddened i was
i can recall very vividly how one of my gfs cried on the phone,
how worried my granddad was, i can still sense now the panic in his voice back then,
i can feel now how scared i was when i called the ambulance
and i can still remember how we squatted beside my grandma's bed
i can still remember how my sister ran to the ward from the lift with her luggage bagpack from the airport,
in her white zara tanktop coupled with her white translucent kabaya-nyonya-like cardigan
and stripe patterned dark pink pants and white havaianas slippers,
i can feel now the atmosphere in the room that night
shit, i remember everything man, seriously





why can't i just have photographic memory and ace my exams instead of wasting brain cells remembering the past, which is pointless.